Oh Well

What you did to me
Made me see myself something different
Though I try to talk sense to myself
But I just won't listen

Won't you go away, turn yourself in
You're no good at confession
Before the image that you burned me in
Tries to teach you a lesson

What you did to me
Made me see myself somethin' awful
A voice once stentorian is now again
Meek and muffled

It took me such a long time to get back up the first time you did it
I spent all I had to get it back, and now it seems I've been outbidded

My peace and quiet was stolen from me
When I was looking with calm affection
You were searching out my imperfections

What wasted unconditional love
On somebody who doesn't believe in the stuff

You came upon me like a hypnic jerk
When I was just about settled
And when it counts you recoil
With a cryptic word and leave a love belittled

Oh what a cold and common old way to go
I was feeding on the need for you to know me
Devastated at the rate you fell below me

What wasted unconditional love
On somebodyWho doesn't believe in the stuff
Oh, well

Symptoms of Progress

It's interesting how progress can be so uncomfortable. So... uneasy. So un-easy. And yet, progress is freeing. It's liberating. It's fulfilling.

The drive home is always therapeutic for me. I can zone out, blast my iPod, and breathe easy. Heading home is centering because I know I'll soon be surrounded by people who love me unconditionally. There are no expectations of me, either. No one needs help with anything... except Paris, who needed help moving into her dorm. I don't have to cook - Mom and Dad still do that. No one needs to be taken out - Daddy takes ME out. I don't feel guilty about sitting around the house instead of going out and partying. I go to bed early and I wake up late. The phone doesn't interrupt my thoughts. I don't have to report in to anyone. There are no project deadlines. I can talk about myself endlessly without feeling self-conscious of self-absorbed. I can be honest. I can try and sort out my future with my parents, and know they'll offer guidance with ONLY my best interests at heart. I'm not obligated to say or do anything out of friendship, political correctness or standard networking practices. I'm not compelled to conform. I can be myself - the person I am when no one else is looking - and not feel bad about it. There really is no place like home.

The drive, however, is such a huge portion of the trip, that it takes on a life of it's own. It's as much a part of the trip as my actual destination. I can usually make it in 5 hours from door to door on a good day (with no paroling cops) or a maximum of 7 hours in traffic, with stops, and lots of police officers along the interstate. The music sets the tone. Fiona Apple is a favorite.

This woman is so beautifully intense. I remember in high school feeling a pure and real connection with her words, her music and her style. Even though at the time, I couldn't fully process what she was saying, and I couldn't really relate to her story, I understood. And now that I DO understand, and CAN relate, it feels that much more real. To endure hardships and remain standing really is a powerful and striking feat. Her eloquence amongst heart aching stories is what stands out the most. She captures the rawness of her emotions in heavy, layered, brutal but beautiful poems. Some are silly with a light undertone. Others drench you with tears, disbelief and depression. But she tells the complete story. She speaks of her triumphs and failures. She shakes some off; she carries others with her. Above all, she remains true to herself - unashamed... unabashed... bold. I love her for that.

When I traveled home in June, I couldn't stop crying. Every other song in the shuffle playlist had me in tears. Each song triggered a new pain. Each song triggered a reminder. Each song spoke a new truth. Friday's voyage evoked the same emotions, but solicited no tears. I smiled as I sang my heart out. I felt empowered by the fact that, little by little, I had moved beyond that stage of the grieving process. And, I marvel at the fact that I feel more "whole" because of it. I can empathize with her anguish. I can smile now, though just few months ago I felt incredibly wronged. I can breathe again.

The true test unveiled itself when "Oh Well" began to play. The opening chords stirred something in me as soon as I heard them. I inhaled deeply and began to sing... sans tears... loudly. I made it through the whole song.

I made it through the whole song... to the perfect summation:

What wasted unconditional love,
On somebody who doesn't believe in the stuff
Oh Well

Waltz (Better Than Fine)

If you don't have a song to sing
You're okay
You know how to get along
Humming
"Hmmm..."

If you don't have a date
Celebrate
Go out and sit on the lawn
And do nothing
'Cause it's just what you must do
Nobody does it anymore

No I don't believe in the wasting of time
But I don't believe that I'm wasting mine

If you don't have a point to make
Don't sweat it
You'll make a sharp one being so kind
And I'd sure appreciate it

Everyone else's goal is to get big headed
Why should I follow that beat
Being that I'm
Better than fine...



"Hmmmm...?"

Sooner Or Later

Sooner or later it all comes crashing down (crashing down)
Crashing down (crashing down)
When everyones around
I bet you would of paid up all your cash down (your cash down)
And not make a sound (to make a sound)
But everyone knows now

So you're sad
About the moment
You lost your love (damn)
You couldn't see her leaving
You were gassed
And that sucks don't it
Cause God yanked the rug
And holding your heart will not help you breathe

Sooner or later it all comes crashing down (crashing down)
Crashing down (crashing down)
When everyones around
I bet you would of paid up all your cash down (your cash down)
And not make a sound (to make a sound)
But everyone knows now

It all comes crashing
Down

It's over leave it

So you're sad
And you should own it
That you ufcked up (damn!)
You thought that you were the team
You were gassed
And now your opponent
He wears your gloves
A nightmare just ate up your dreams

Sooner or later it all comes crashing down (crashing down)
Crashing down (crashing down)
When everyones around
I bet you would of paid up all your cash down (your cash down)
And not make a sound (to make a sound)
But everyone knows now

It all comes crashing
Down

It's over leave it

So you're sad
Could have had so much done
You blew it off
Your chances passing you by
You were gassed
Time waits for no one
And it costs for a loss
A cosmic joke
Should you laugh or cry?

Sooner or later it all comes crashing down (crashing down)
Crashing down (crashing down)
When everyones around
I bet you would of paid up all your cash down (your cash down)
And not make a sound (to make a sound)
But everyone knows now

It all comes crashing
Down

It's over, leave it

Down

It's over, leave it




It's OVER! LEAVE IT!

Holy Ghost

Holy Ghost
Fall down on me
Let your Spirit
Fall down on me

Holy Ghost
Fall down on me
Let your Spirit
Fall down on me

Create in me
A new heart, O God
And renew the right spirit
Within me

Cast me not away from thy presence, O God
Take not thy Holy Spirit from me

Holy Ghost
Fall down on me
Let your Spirit
Fall down on me

Holy Spirit
Help me to walk right
Talk right
Live right
Help me to be right
I’ll never do anything
Without you leading, Spirit

Holy Spirit

Cast me not away from thy presence, O Lord
Take not your Spirit from me

Holy Ghost
Fall down on me








[I’m begging]

God Speaks, Pt. 2

After dinner, I snuck out (leftovers in hand) to head to the Bilal concert. I was meeting a guy friend for the show, and calling it a date to make myself feel better about life. I paid for my own ticket, but he kept the drinks flowing. I felt good about it. The opening act was cool, but when Bilal took the stage - my GOD. A whole new energy poured into the venue. I was on my 4th Vodka Tonic and catching a contact before he even got halfway into the first song. He performed a mixture of songs from his unreleased album "Love for Sale," and the better-known album, "First Born Second." The crowd hooped and hollered with every riff, ad-lib, and solo. But the most triumphant moment of the evening was when everyone detected the opening chords for "Sometimes."

I wish I could find a way to describe the pure euphoria of those ten minutes. I felt something stirring in my soul as I watched Bilal sing, scream, whisper and speak the lyrics of the song. Not one mouth was closed as everyone in the venue sang along. "This is a song that makes me spill out all my guts, sometimes! I wish I wasn't me... sometimes!" brothas yelled. I saw the hands of God tugging at everyone's hearts. He was working in the smoky, sweaty hole-in-the-wall club. "I wish I knew the truth without searching!" I exclaimed. Happy. Hurt. Peaceful. I was in awe of the experience. People weren't just singing - they were releasing. "...Sometimes, you ain't good to me and I am good to you and you don't see my intentions the way that I do, sometimes," we all pleaded. Eyes were closed, sweat was dripping off of foreheads, sistas were rocking back and forth with hands in the air. "Hey Slim, you should be nicer than you are sometimes," I screamed. Yesssss! This is what I'm saying! Yesssss! "You got me wishin' I didn't HAVE HOME TRAINING SOMETIMES." Get out of my head, Bilal.

"I wish I knew life with nooooo pain, sometimes. I wish I held the keys to this game, sometimes," we all cheered. "...I'm sayin' it because I love you, and I wanna grow with you baby. But you wanna run in the other direction, so, I got to stay on my path until I win! I win! I win! I win! I wanna win... I wanna win..." We're jumping up and down now. We're rejoicing. We're releasing. Everyone else knows the words to our favorite song. We all feel the same way. We all have something bottled up inside and right here, right now, in this place, at this moment, with the rest of our beautiful black brothers and sisters, we're getting it out.

I was close to tears. And, I was centered, and peaceful for the rest of the evening. It was like attending an ultra-alternative church service. The Reverend was preaching through song, and the hymns moved through us like holy water. I had called on God. I had begged Him to have mercy on me, and help me through this rough patch. God did just that.

THEEEENNNNNN I met my IDOL - Eric Roberson! I know that idolatry is a sin, but Erro is a genius, and I was elated to meet him. In my drunken stupor, I said to my date "that's Eric! I'm going to go say hi." LOL. I waltzed right up to him and introduced myself. I told him I loved his music, that I come to all of his shows in the city (except for the most recent one due to a prior engagement), and that during one show in particular, when he and Algebra had forgotten the words to a song, I was the one in the audience singing loudly to remind them what the words were. At that time, he had tried to send the mic my way, but I shied away, dodged the mic, and retreated into the audience. He remembered me! I told him I loved the new stuff he had on his blog, and that he should leak more tunes for fans like me. I also commented to him that we had the same alma mater which had him beaming. We produce some talented individuals, I tell ya'. We took a picture together, I told him it was a pleasure to meet him, and then I bounced. How fulfilling.

Sunday morning, I picked up Ruby and headed to church. (Real, conventional church with an ordained pastor and everything). The sermon was about Graduating and respecting the PAUSE that God places in our lives. The metaphor Pastor Olu used was this: after our last final, and before we walk across the stage, every senior has to pause. They have to wait for their grades and pray that those credits add up! It is during that time they should and must reflect. God is about to move them into a new place in their life. By the same token, we don't have to be a student for God to graduate any of us to a new place in our life. There are peaks and there are valleys. In order for God to get us from one mountaintop to another, we have to pause in the valley, assess our relationship with HIM, and sometimes, we have to let some things go. God wishes that we would just TRUST in Him sometimes. Yes, it's painful now to have to let a person in our life go, but if we would just trust in the Lord and believe that He has something better planned for us - we could reach that next mountaintop so much faster! We get so consumed with everyone else. We feel like God has pulled us over on the interstate, and all of our friends are just whizzing past us. Why has God made us pause? Because He as something SO GREAT in store for us... and He needs us to stop for a second, and prepare ourselves, and meditate, and concentrate, and align ourselves with HIM. Amen? Amen.

I'm growing.

I had been trying my hardest to stick with that boy. I had compromised myself a number of times. I had compromised my feelings. I had compromised my heart. I had compromised my health. The only way God was going to get me to wake up was if the boy did something so drastic... so devastating... that I had no other choice but to throw in the towel. I obviously had not learned my lesson the last time. I had manged to overlook so many "little lies" and so many uncomfortable situations. But this was the last straw. I mean, I'm worth so much more. And he was bringing less and less to the table. God had to do something dramatic so that I would pay attention. That doesn't mean it hurts any less. But I see clearly now.

I'm also having to learn to stop beating myself up all the time. Of course I tried hard to make it work. I'm built that way. Giving up is way harder than trying. I didn't do anything wrong. And, females find themselves in the exact same situation as me all the time. I should never apologize for doing my best. And that's all I did. I gave him the best of me, though he did not really deserve it. And, to be honest, the boy is already forgiven. Because this situation is not about him and me. It's about what God wants for our lives. We're better off apart. I will have to learn to love him from a distance. While I will miss our conversations about good music, and good books, and politics, and stupid things we've seen in the media... I will find new outlets for these conversations. I will move forward and (try to) not look back. I have no other choice.

Ruby and I went to a baseball game after church, and while she played in the kids section, I phoned my mom for a quick chat. She could tell by the sound of my voice that I was feeling better. I was. I told her about my weekend, and what I was learning about God. She was proud of me. I'm proud of me. The Lord is working in my life in ways that I don't fully understand just yet. But I'm breathing sighs of relief. I'm thanking the Lord for blessing me in the midst of my trial. I'm overwhelmed and excited to be growing closer to Him. It's been a long time coming...

When Your Life Was Low

Always remember my friend
The world will change again
And you may have to come back
Through everywhere you've been

When your life was low
You had nowhere to go
People turned their backs on you
And everybody said that you were through

I took you in, made you strong again
Put you back together
Out of all the dreams you left along the way
You left me shining

Now you're doing well
From stories I hear tell
You own the world again
Everyone's your friend

Although I never hear from you
Still it's nice to know
You used to love me so
When your life was low

Always remember my friend
The world will change again
And you may have to come back
Through everywhere you've been

Now you're doing well
From stories I hear tell
You own the world again
Everyone's your friend

Although I never hear from you
Still it's nice to know
You used to love me so
When your life was low

Always remember my friend
The world will change again
And you may have to come back
Through everywhere you've been

You used to love me so
When your life was low
You used to love me so
When your life was low
You used to love me so
When your life was low














Simply. Perfect.

Spanish Joint

Whenever it rains, I feel this way
A little something to get me through this day
Give me a little of that
No time flat
Gonna be a good thing

Serene but in need of feelin’ free
Letting go and landing on my feet
Brushed the dirt off my back
No time flat
Gonna be a good thing

Well people believe this saying is true
“Whatever will be, will forever do”
Whatever the cost, I'll pay in full
I ain't got nothin’ to do with you

Gotta get out, gotta get out of here
I'm in the dark, and the light looks sincere
Brushed the dirt off my back
No time flat
Gonna be a good thing

All you do is complain about your pain
And the cloud that follows you won't cease to rain
Don’t look back; Handle that
Make it into a good thing

Something up in me gotta be
Sole controller in control of me
A link in your chain, just won't do
I don't want nothin' to do with you

Something up in me gotta be
Sole controller in control of me
A link in your chain, just won't do
I don't want nothin' to do with you

Some people believe this saying is true
“Whatever will be, will forever do”
Whatever the cost, I'll pay in full
I ain't got nothin’ to do with you

I don’t want nothin’ to do with you
I don’t want nothin’ to do with you

Right As Rain

Who wants to be right as rain
It's better when something is wrong
You get excitement in your bones
And everything you do's a game
When night comes
And you're on your own
You can say “I chose to be alone”
Who wants to be right as rain
It's harder when you're on top

Cause when hard work don't pay off
And I'm tired
There ain’t no room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned so
Wipe that dirty smile off we
Won't be making up
I've cried my heart out
And now I've had enough of love

Who wants to be riding high
When you'll just crumble back on down
You give up everything you are
And even then you don't get far
They make believe that everything
Is exactly what it seems
But at least when you're at your worst
You know how to feel things

See, when hard work don't pay off
And I'm tired
There ain't no room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned so
Wipe that dirty smile off we
Won't be making upI've cried my heart out
And now I've had enough of love

Go ahead and steal my heart to make me cry again
Cause it will never hurt as much as it did then, when
We were both right and no one had blame
But now I give up on this endless game

Cause who wants to be right as rain
It's better when something is wrong
I get excitement in my bones
Even though everything's a strain
When night comes and I'm on my own
You should know I chose to be alone
So who wants to be right as rain
It's harder when you're on top

Cause when hard work don't pay off
And I'm tired
There ain't no room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned so
Wipe that dirty smile off we
Won't be making up
I've cried my heart out
And now I've had enough of...

No room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned so
Wipe that dirty smile off we
Won't be making up
I've cried my heart out
And now I've had enough of love

Extraordinary Machine

I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes
-And-
I certainly haven't been spreading myself around
I still only travel by foot and by foot, it's a slow climb
But I'm good at being uncomfortable
So I can't stop changing all the time

I notice that my opponent is always on the go
-And-
Won't go slow, so's not to focus, and I notice
He'll hitch a ride with any guide
As long as they go fast from whence he came
But he's no good at being uncomfortable, so
He can't stop staying exactly the same

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

I seem to you to seek a new disaster every day
You deem me due to clean my view and be at peace and lay
I mean to prove I mean to move in my own way, and say
I've been getting along for long before you came into the play

I am the baby of the family, it happens, so
Everybody cares and wears the sheeps' clothes while they chaperone
Curious, you looking down your nose at me, while you appease
Courteous, to try and help, but let me set your mind at ease

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

Do I so worry you, you need to hurry to my side?
It's very kind
But it's to no avail; I don't want the bail
I promise you, everything will be just fine

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it...
I'm an extraordinary machine















Amen.

Down Here in Hell (With You)

I really love it when
Love it when we make mistakes
Because once again
It gives me a reason to complain
I love the battle lines
Battle lines we draw and cross in the mud
Ooh, I love it when we fight
Standing on the verge of breaking up
Or making love

What would I do if we were perfect?
Where would I go for disappointment?
Love without pain would leave me
Wondering why I stay

I think of saving myself
But with nothing to complain about
Up in Heaven
What would I do?
I think of saving myself
But I really want to work it out
Down here in Hell, with you

Magic carpet ride
It don't have to last forever
I know we shouldn't fly so high
But the closer to sun we go
The better
See I want to make you feel the fire
Wanna burn you with my bad days
Ooh, I want to be unsatisfied
So, you can feel the heat coming from me, baby

What would I do if we were perfect?
Where would I go for disappointment?
Words without hate would leave me nothing left to say

I think of saving myself
But with nothing to complain about
Up in Heaven
What would I do?
I think of saving myself
But I really wanna work it out
Down here in hell, with you


I think of saving myself, but with nothing to complain about
Up in Heaven...
I think of saving myself, but I really want to work it out
Down here in Hell...

What Is Love?

Maybe I am foolishly
In love with someone that is
Not exactly on the same page
That I am on

Well, all my friends keep telling me
Stop walking 'round so blindly
But when he calls, they're not around
To ever remind me

Maybe this isn't love
But if it isn't love
Then really, what is love?
Maybe I will never really
Know what's love
'Cause when he's around
He's got me feeling
Some kinda way

Maybe this isn't love
But if it isn't love
Then really, what is love?
Maybe I don't need to know
What's really love
'Cause when he's around
He's got me feeling
Some kinda way

I guess I kinda noticed
He don't always act so kindly
But that doesn't stop my hunger
Hunger for his heart

Now should I listen to those
Who think that I should move on
Maybe what they see as drama
I see more as art

Maybe this isn't love
But if it isn't love
Then really, what is love?
Maybe I will never really
Know what's love
'Cause when he's around
He's got me feeling
Some kinda way

Maybe this isn't love
But if it isn't love
Then really, what is love?
Maybe I don't need to know
What's really love
'Cause when he's around
He's got me feeling
Some kinda way

Can't seem to get past
How he makes me feel
May not be love
But it feels so real
Can't go with what they say
Must follow my heart
But now is that
Even being true to me

Maybe I'm happy
Truly content
Maybe this is
As good as it gets
Do I have faith
In my confidence
Or am I just
Thinking all hopelessly

Maybe this isn't love...

iluvu2much

I love you too much
To let you hurt me again
Though leaving you is
Like walking in the wind
I can’t return
Or turn around
Or let this wall
I build come down
For you, at least
I love me too much
To not find peace
That piece of me
I got rid of
When I gave
You my love

When I gave you my love
When I gave you my love

I love you too much
To let you hurt me again
Though leaving you is
Like walking in the wind
I can’t return
Or turn around
Or let this wall
I build come down
For you, at least
I love me too much
To not find peace
That piece of me
I got rid of
When I gave
You my love

When I gave you my love
When I gave you my love

Every second is getting harder
Moving further
From the one thing that I thought
I needed
And I’m tired
Of the waiting
Around for what
I truly feel I deserve
(When I gave you my love)
But you never told me
One word
(When I gave you my love)
That would make me feel
Comfortable
(When I gave you my love)
I just wanted to be more, babe

Oh
Oh oooh oh oh

X&Y

Trying hard to speak and
Fighting with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
It's all part of the plan
When something is broken
And you try to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way you can

I dive in at the deep end
You become my best friend
I want to love you
But I don't know if I can
I know something is broken
And I'm trying to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way I can

You and me are floating on a tidal wave
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space
Together
And singing...

You and me are floating on a tidal wave
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space
Together

You and me are floating on a tidal wave
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space
Together
And singing...

Trouble Sleeping

It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?
(No, don't say it)
Don't say I'm falling in love

Some kind of therapy
Is all I need (all I need)
Please believe me (please believe me)
Some instant remedy
That can cure me completely

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?
(No, don't say it)
Don't say I'm falling in love

[Don't you say I'm falling

There's no way I'm falling]

'Cause I've been there before and it's not enough
So nobody say it
Don't even say it
I ve got my eyes shut
Won't look, oh
No, I'm not in love

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?
(No, don't say it)
Don't say I'm falling in love

Lions, Tigers and Bears

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?

Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom
You say you care and I know you do
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense

Just cause I love you and you love me
It doesn't mean that we're meant to be
I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas
But the most frightening thing is you & me!

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?

Most circumstances I know my fate
But in this love thing, I don't get the game
Why does it feel like those who give in
They only wind up losing a friend?

Just cause I love you and you love me
It doesn't mean that we'll ever be
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the Queen
But the most frightening thing is you & me!

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?

I'm not sure no, I'm not sure
But if we never try we'll never know
It's better to have loved than not to love at all
But not trying is worse than to stumble and fall
And if we do?I'd rather it be with you
Cause at least there will be
Sweet memories

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?

Smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through... for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

'Cause that's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

All My Single Ladies

IF YOU LIKE IT, THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT A RING ON IT.

Fall Anthem:

All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies!

Now put your hands up!

Up in the club
We just broke up
I’m doin’ my own lil’ thing
You decided to dip
Now you wanna trip
Cause another brotha noticed me
I’m up on him
He up on me
Don’t pay him any attention
Got me cryin’ my tears
After three good years
You can’t be mad at me

Cause if you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it

Uh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh, oh oh oh…

I got gloss on my lips
A man on my hips
Hug me tighter than my Dereon Jeans
Actin’ up
Drink in my cup
I can care less what you think
I need no permission
Did I mention?
Don’t pay him any attention
Cause you had your turn
Now you’re gonna learn
What it really feels like to miss me

Cause if you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it

Uh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh, oh oh oh…

Don’t treat me to the things of the world
I’m not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer
What I deserve is a man that makes me
Then takes me and delivers me to a destiny
To infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms
Say I’m the one you want
If you don’t, you’ll be alone
And like a ghost
I’ll be gone

All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies!
Now put your hands up

Uh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh, oh oh oh…

Cause if you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it

Uh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh, oh oh oh!!!








[CHURCH]

Clearly

You've got me caught up in a daze
And I, can't seem to understand
What I've been thinking
And although you come in clearly now
Hard for me to turn around
And keep from blinking

All that I can do is be there
Heaven knows that I swear
You do something to me
And I'll never ever tell a lie
I'll always be there by your side
It's so soothing

It's clearly understandable
I'm not some type of animal
I'm just in love with you
And heaven knows I'm glad I found you
Loving, and you came around
To do the things that you do

You don't even hardly speak to me
Tell me what could it be
To let you walk away so freely
But you still call from time to time
Tell me why you play with my mind
I know you want to be here with me

All that I can do is be there
Heaven knows that I swear
You do something to me
And I'll never ever tell a lie
I'll always be by your side
Oh, it's so soothing

It's clearly understandable
I'm not some type of animal
I'm just in love with you
And heaven knows I'm glad I found you
Loving, and you came around
To do the things that you do

I just don't know
What I've been doing wrong
In your life
Baby if you give me one more try
I will never ever leave your side

Thunderstorm Season

I think I’m slipping into a mild depression.

It’s also very cloudy outside. It’s perfect thunderstorm weather. I’m pretty sure Fay has something to do with it. You know Fay? She’s that schizophrenic tropical storm/hurricane/tsunami/apocalypse thing CNN keeps reporting about. She can’t seem to make up her mind (which is really interesting when you stop to think about it; she’s just a typical woman). Whatever the cause, I’m looking forward to a rainy, thundery, dark day. I think it will court my pseudo-depressive state nicely. And, about the depression – it’s not confirmed. I’m in talks with my inner self to determine what the ultimate problem is. I’ve been in an incredible funk for two weeks now. At first, I attributed it to PMS. I’m self-aware enough to recognize and appreciate the effect a surplus of estrogen can have on a girl’s daily life. But, this is something else. Usually my super-emotional state lasts for about three days. But, I’m still super-emotional and Aunt Flow has come and gone. Is this TMI? If you’ve been reading long enough, you should know that this blog is the most therapeutic release I have (aside from the thousands of playlists on my iPod), thus I kinda just have to put things out there sometimes…

Anywho. Nothing is going my way. This job search is a nightmare. It is a pure and total nightmare. Everyone is “pleased to meet me” and “amazed by my resume” but “sorry because they don’t have anything available at the moment.” Then there’s all the emotions. Where did they come from and when are they leaving? I’m kind of lonely. There are two perfectly nice men who have reached out to me in the past to weeks to hang out. I’ve been more than aloof with both of them. Why? I don’t know. I need to stop trippin’ and start dating some nice guys. It’s clear the object of my affection is completely oblivious, or unconcerned, or just plain unwilling to have anything to do with me. Ugh. My roommate situation is dire. We’re barely on speaking terms. A curt “hi” or “bye” is the totality of any exchange. And her BFF, who practically lives with us (grrr!) is not helping. Did she sign the lease too? I don’t recall seeing her signature. And shit, if she wants to move in, let her. More rent money I can keep in my pocket…

I got drunk last weekend with a bunch of college friends and, when leaving the club, assumed my football-statuesque friend could carry all 120 lbs of me. Welp. I was wrong. As I hopped on his back, he playfully (maybe purposely) lunged forward allowing me to completely fall – face first – into the pavement ahead of us. Face first. Now, I have a beautiful scar on my face. And arm. And elbows. And hands. Nice.

We were both drunk, so I can excuse the incident in itself. His reaction, however, was less than cherubic. He laughed and ran away while I was in pain on the ground. In the car ride home he never said a word to me. The next day, there was no call or text to verify that I was okay. When he came over to pick up our mutual friend (Dionne (one of the bridesmaids)) I politely closed my bedroom door to ignore him. I was growing increasingly self-conscious about my face, and didn’t care to interact with scar’s creator.

On top of that, I’ve been doing stupid things to compensate for my weird disposition – like charging Dolce and Gabbana pumps. Granted, I bought them at my favorite consignment boutique, and paid probably one quarter of their store value… but why am I using my “travel credit card” for non-travel expenses?! Stupid. Regardless, I put them on this morning to wear for the first time and I must admit: I feel fabulous.

Whatever.

So, with the job thing (or lack thereof), the loneliness thing, the roommate thing, the drunken facelift-gone-wrong, and the usual “I’m Dead Broke” situation are creating a mildly depressing, but powerful cocktail. Speaking of which… (!!)

I’m just kidding. Alcohol doesn’t fix problems. Apparently, it just creates new ones.

I’m going to pray about it… So much I’ll need some knee pads…










(It happened for a reason one can’t be mad
So know this know that everything’s cool
And yes I will be present on the first day of school
And graduation)





Aaaahhhhh how I digress!!! LOL