Worshipping & Wandering

So much has been happening lately. Between reading “The Shack,” attending church, and just plain living, I’ve been reaching all kinds of new conclusions about life. At Elizabeth Baptist last Wednesday, I went to church expecting a few songs, a scripture, a sermon, and a steering moment from God to help me get through the week. What I got was so different, so unconventional – and yet it was exactly what I needed. Of course, I was late. Work has been kicking my ass lately, what with my paralyzing inability to concentrate coupled with a burdening stress called “Microeconomics 2021.” So, I hurried in as the choir finished the last two songs, somewhat disappointed that I’d missed the bulk of the praise session (gospel music always moves my heart to a better place). In typical fashion, I was seated with my legs crossed and arms folded. I was “closed off” as most body language interpreters would say. I always sit like this in new settings – regardless of whether or not I’m actually comfortable. I could have just met you. You could be my best friend. I’m likely to have my legs crossed and arms folded when I’m settling in to a new situation. It is what it is.

I forget what the choir was singing, but I knew I needed to open myself up. If I was going to fully receive God’s word, I needed to stop being so closed off – at least while I was in the sanctuary. I uncrossed my legs, and politely curled my left foot under my right ankle. That’s better. I uncrossed my arms, and sat just holding my hands. Okay. I’m opening. I’m openninnggggg.

Pastor Oliver then took the stage, Bible in hand. He propped his elbow on the podium and began talking to the congregation about a recent sermon he did. Totally natural. Totally impromptu. I figured this was an introduction to tonight’s sermon. Unfortunately, I only attend the Wednesday night services, so I didn’t really have a frame of reference for his comments… but I sat, with my own Bible, waiting for the cue to turn to chapter such-and-such.

He began talking and what I presumed to be his biblical anecdote took on a life of its own. I don’t recall which book or chapter he pulled from, but he got to a part where he began to discuss Mary Magdalene and her relationship with Jesus. He said (and I’m blatantly paraphrasing) “…she took her hair down. You know, critics have all kinds of things to say about Mary; people tend to hate on her. But her focus was on Jesus, and she took her hair down to worship him. You know – to ‘take you hair down’ really means ‘to relax’. And that’s what some of us need to do. We need to chill out. We get so caught up in our own lives, and the bills that are due, and our mortgage, and what other people think of us, that we forget to put God first. If Mary had worried as much about her critics as we do about ours, do you think she would have gotten her blessing? The Bible says she took her hair down and got on her knees to worship Him. She kneeled so far down that her hair covered his feet. His dirty, crusty, smelly feet. And when she was done, she got up, and you know – her hair probably smelled like Jesus’ feet. Do you know what that means? She had to go though something a little uncomfortable… a little dirty… a little gross… to worship Him. And when she got up, she was able to take his Essence… his smell… an element of HIM with her. How many of us are willing to be UNCOMFORTABLE for God? How many of us will kneel down, while everyone else is looking at us, and talking about us, and plotting against us, to worship him? I wish some of you would just let your hair down and give God His glory. Don’t worry about who’s looking at you. It might be a little uncomfortable. You might not like everything that you have to go though. But hasn’t God been good to you? Even when you were tired. Even when you were low. Even when you were sick. Eeeven when you friends deserted you. Eeeven when the bills were do. Even when your mother died. Even when your father died. Even when you got laid off. There are some people in here who can’t let go of their own problems long enough to bless He who is able to do all things! I wish someone in here would just let their hair down…”

It stirred me to the point of tears. It caught me off guard. Where was the scripture? Where was the text? Where was the structure? And yet, it was so fitting – “let your hair down”. We don’t need a text. We don’t need structure. We need to “chill out.” I NEED TO RELAX. I need to let things go. I need to Let. Things. Go. I cannot control what is happening with my mom or grandmother. I cannot control how my relationship ended with that boy. But I can let go of my worrying and stress. I can go into the house of the Lord and lay my burdens down. I can rest easy knowing that She is taking care of it.

The session lasted for a good 45 minutes. He was just talking to us – the congregation; his people. Everyone was standing and agreeing and worshipping. It was beautiful. And, it got me to thinking (tangentially) about all of the biblical “rights” and “wrongs” that many pastors preach about on any given Sunday. The church can be a discouraging and condescending place sometimes. But, at Impact and EBC, I worship with pastors with whom I can truly relate. In my own mind, I think that Jesus just wants us to be good people. By worshipping Him, we’re honoring our own efforts to live by His will. Our goal as Christians is not necessarily to emulate Jesus to a “T” but to learn from his ways and teachings and live our lives in ways that honor Him. I don’t think the “sins” such as fornication, or drunkenness or what have you are really all that terrible. I think the missed lesson is that if we indulge in those things, we’re not really bettering our lives. Fornication between two individuals may not ever hurt a soul – but how often does it contribute something positive to a person’s life? Yes, it feels good… but how does it contribute to our overall well-being? Do we feel more whole? Do we feel closer to God? In hindsight, many of my encounters have made me feel more empty (after the fact). I can’t think of a single case where I’ve done it out of pure love. And the energy invested into those people, and those encounters, is now lost forever. I think that’s the lesson behind abstinence – from a purely unbiased, non-political perspective. It’s not to say “if you have premarital sex, you’re going to hell”. But it is to say “adding sex to your life will complicate things more than necessary, and distract you from other blessings that may be in store.” I dunno. I just don’t believe that God is so mean that She’d cast me away for some silly things I did in my early twenties. I think most lessons from Jesus were simply for our own good as we try to navigate these troubled waters called life. Humans add problems, complications and rules to what God likely intended to be a simple, humble and fulfilling life. The same thing goes for alcohol. I know I blog about beer and vodka excessively. And, my alcohol consumption doesn’t really affect anyone but me. But what positive things do those Vodka Tonics really contribute to my life? If anything, they added to those “silly decisions” in my early twenties, and left me with more early-morning headaches than I would have had otherwise. I’m not going to stop drinking. But, I’m just saying…

I’m going to let my hair down (which has grown a lot since March 6, btw)! I’m going to do so more often, too. I’ve been making a bigger effort in my relationship with Her lately. I’m going to keep building. I’m going to keep trying. There’s victory on the other side, you know. There’s a blessing in all of this. I’ve just got to keep going…