I'm Over It

Bye-bye 2008!

And good riddance. While you had your high moments, and I thoroughly enjoyed my travels, revelations and wild times, I must say this: I am over you. Don’t get me wrong. Visiting DC four times in one year was amazing: First, to see my beloved sorority undergraduate chapter celebrate a glorious birthday; Second, to watch one of my dearest friends (“Denise”) graduate; Third, to party again with sorority sisters – hailing from all corners of the country – for our anniversary; and finally, to celebrate a REAL Homecoming. Though other colleges near and far attempt to match the beast of an event that my Alma Mater has created… our annual festivities remain unparalleled.

All-Star Weekend in the picturesque, cultural haven that is New Orleans was a memorable weekend to say the least. “The Taste” in Chicago for the 4th was a bundle of fun, food and fireworks tied together somewhat haphazardly with a red, white and blue bow (I’m thinking the Everclear did that). Adopting a new mentee has been both challenging and enlightening. While I’m sometimes frustrated by societal conditions that have made programs like “Big Brothers Big Sisters” even necessary, I can’t help but smile to myself when I witness even the smallest difference in Ruby’s speech, behavior or attitude. I’m making a difference in her life. That is empowering and incredible and shocking all at once. It feels good.

Witnessing HISTORY on November 4th was remarkable. Losing my job wasn’t much fun, but getting a new one in this downward spiraling economy could only have been an act of God. And, as I’m settling in to my new role, reflecting on the year I’ve had, and pondering about what’s ahead of me, I have reached a few striking conclusions.

1. Everything will be okay. I mean this in the broadest sense possible. If this year has taught me anything, it is just that. Things will work themselves out. So, sit tight. Grin. Bear it. And enjoy the ride.
2. Never make someone a priority when they only consider you as an option. Never make someone a priority when they only consider you as an option.
Never make someone a priority when they ONLY CONSIDER YOU AS AN OPTION.
3. Friends and family are the collective most important support system you will ever have. You inherit your family, but you pick your friends. Choose wisely.
4. Giving back is one of the most rewarding things you can do in life.
5. Never make someone a priority when they only consider you as an option.

I cried about points #2 and #5 last night. Just as the boy and I had reached our “comfortable place” he makes a careless and thoughtless remark about having purchased David Yurman jewelry for his former girlfriend during their courtship. Now, here comes the super-girly, somewhat irrational me, so get ready: WHAT THE HELL?! Don’t tell me shit like that. You know how I feel about that entire debacle, and yet you still manager to unconsciously bring her up. I get it!

We talked/dated/what-have-you for over a year, but you never wanted to commit. I graduate and all of the sudden… Ta-da! Your commitment-phobia has lapsed and you’re in a relationship. You guys break up (of course you do, because she’s a dirty, slutty whore) and what do you know… you and I miraculously become friends again. But wait, that commitment-phobia has reared its ugly little head again, and you have politely placed my in the “friend” box… FOREVER. I get it.

Am I not good enough? Did those years in undergrad, and the months we’re putting in now not count? Do we need a title for you to do nice things for me? I am worth it, you know. But sheesh! I mean, I can’t even get you to drive three hours down I-75 to see me, yet you were willing to spend hundreds of dollars on her? I’m confused, and irritated, and hurt. How come you started with me... and then rebounded with me... and yet I reap none of the same benefits as that little hussy? Huh?

What further compounds my frustration is that my brother and his girlfriend were all goo-goo ga-ga over Christmas break, buying each other extravagant gifts and planning extravagant trips for New Years, his birthday, Spring Break, and his graduation. Can I please meet someone who loves me enough to do nice things for me?

To be honest, what really bugs me is how much this bugs me. I mean, this situation, in its entirety “is like 100 years old” (to quote Jennifer Aniston from Oprah last week (y’all know I love that woman)). And yet, it still gets to me… like a tiny bug that seems to have crawled under my skin and begun nesting. It’s enough to make a girl go crazy.

On top of that (which didn’t help one bit), is the fact that I ran into said “former girlfriend” at a holiday party held by my prophyte last night. I couldn’t tell if she had on her David Yurman jewelry because I couldn’t stand to look at her for longer than three seconds at a time. Ugh.

I’m OVER IT! I’m over feeling like this! I’m over you and your dumb-ass decisions and our pretty little friendship that’s going nowhere fast. You are no longer a priority in my life. So you, and your stupid problems, and your David Yurman receipts, and your trashy ex-girlfriend, and your silly remarks, and your “keep-her-in-the-friendship-box” mentality can KICK ROCKS.

I’m over it.