Something in the Water

There's something odd taking place in the dating world lately.

I'm not dating any one person specifically. "The Boy" throws me for a loop about once a month, which is fine. Sometimes I throw salt in the game just to spice things up. Don't ask me why. I'm a female and I have trouble controlling my emotions/thoughts/actions sometimes. I'm working on it. Otherwise, he and I converse regularly and enjoy one another's virtual company. Clearly, he lives in a different state, and we rarely see each other. Thus, gchat and phone calls have to suffice for now.

When I'm thirsting for some platonic testosterone, however, my options are pretty limited. I have about four or five guy friends down here that I could call and kick it with pretty much anytime. I would consider each of these guys, legitimately, a "good friend". Though, candidly I don't really believe in platonic friendships... I believe that, in any guy-girl friendship, given ample time and opportunity, at least ONE member of the party would make a move on the other. It's biology.

So, yeah. Four or five guy friends down here... and that's about it. For concerts, sporting events, trips to the bar, and simple car problems, they're GREAT to have around. Whenever I meet a new guy, however, I get all kinds of irrational, overwhelming vibes. I'm in "chill mode" as it stands right now. Not really looking for a boyfriend. Not really interested in anything that requires nightly check-in phone calls, constant texting, incessant "hanging out", etc. Men can start to resemble children after awhile (if you pay enough attention). I'm good on that.

But for real though, dudes down here be trippin'. As soon as they figure out I'm legitimately into sports, I drink beer and I can carry on an intellectual conversation, they're in love. I'm not joking. And, I know Cece is reading this thinking 'this bitch is full of herself'... but I'M NOT! I'm telling the truth! Like, aren't the girls supposed to be the ones who catch feelings while dudes stay in the cut laughing and moving on? I'm so confused.

It is as though the roles in the courting phase have completely reversed. I've already lost one "guy friend" to this weird syndrome a number of young men seem to be experiencing. We were kicking it often, and I was enjoying every minute of it. Foreign films, NBA games, barhopping, exploration with --eh, botany. You name it. We were having a good time. After awhile though, I guess the signals got crossed and he got to thinking I was up for more than I really was. After a drunken convo and a three-second kiss, I had to tell him "I'm happy being single, and I consider you a friend." Wamp, wamp. Haven't heard from him since.

Anisa and I were discussing this the other day, and I'm convinced there is something in the water. For instance, she went out with a guy not too long ago who, after two separate encounters (1st - kissing at a house party; 2nd - a semi-charming date) proceeds to tell her "I know you're interested me, and I can really see us going places. I had no idea you were so smart," or something to that effect. Um, excuse me. WHAT did you just say? You thought I was some idiot cute face with a fat ass? (Anisa does have quite a nice booty, if I do say so myself -- no homo). You think that you're so whimsical and charming that I'm going to drop what I'm doing to be with you? You think you got it like that?! Huh?

In the same conversation, I told Anisa about a young man I'd recently met through a mutual friend. I'd been to his place to watch football, and we'd both attended a rally for an upcoming Senate run-off with a group of friends. He was cool, and I could see us hanging out more often... but as of today, dude is completely whilin'. He texts me on some "did I do something to make you mad, or are you just not feeling me? bc you haven't been responding to my texts." Sir, when we first met, I told you "I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I'm chillin'. Not much of a phone person, either. I'm good." We can definitely kick it, but please fall back with all these unfounded inquiries on the status of our "relationship". We are COOL. And, that's about it. I'm not pressed, by any means. Period.

Where is all this coming from? Can't we just be young and enjoy people for who they are? Can we not enjoy friendships as they stand? What is the rush? Can we have a second conversation before you ask about my relationship status? And in Anisa's case: can we have a third conversation before you practically propose marriage?!

Please. From now on, bottled water for everyone. For real. Dudes are actin' mad girly these days, and it's totally, utterly, and seriously NOT. CUTE.