God Speaks, Pt. 1

God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.

Amen? Amen.

The best thing I did for myself this weekend was not sit in the house. I know that consuming exorbitant amounts of alcohol might be considered contradictory in terms of "signs from God"... because, well... since when does God condone drunkenness? But let me tell you something: I have grown more in my relationship with God this past week, than in all prior 24 years combined. And there was plenty of alcohol involved. God was speaking to me in my language... through friends, situations, concerts, contact highs and yes, spirits. How ironic... "Speaking to me through spirits".... He is after all, the One who turned water into wine. I'm just saying.

Friday, at around 2:45 pm, my boss sent an e-mail to our whole team telling us to pack up for the day. We were headed to The Loop for drinks and appetizers. It had been a long week. God bless that Jewish man, because he read my mind. Drinks on the boss? Count me in.

Afterwards, I met up with Melanie to finish watching the playoff games of the evening and reconcile some of the differences in our relationship (as well as vent about the boy). It was a truly meaningful conversation, and I felt so much better afterwards. In a gchat conversation the day before, I told her how much I was hurting, and that I was reluctant to talk to her about it because she was always consumed with how much she hated her job. She admitted she felt like she was slipping into a depression, and apologized for any inconvenience it may have placed on our friendship. Well, depression is no laughing matter, so we discussed her issues, and then we discussed mine. Friday night we followed up over margaritas and I had an opportunity to really pour my heart out. She was so supportive. Willing to help me in any emotional way I needed. To have non-judgemental people in your life who love you unconditionally are the only friends worth having. That's exactly the kind of friend she is.

I headed home, drunk and a little delirious after all the emotional talk, and passed out immediately. Saturday morning I woke up a tad hungover and a lot depressed. Anisa sent text messages every few hours to check on me, which I truly appreciated. I headed to the gym to run off some of my anxiety... but to no avail. I then headed to the grocery store to stock up for the next few weeks (I had been so broke, that groceries had been the last thing on my mind lately). I washed my hair, and then created a "feel better" playlist on my iPod for the blowout/flat iron routine. It helped. So did the two Miller Lights I downed in the process. I put on a fancy cocktail dress for a birthday dinner I had at 6, and started amping myself for the Bilal concert later that night. I was overdressed for the evening, but I looked damn good. I started strutting around my room, throwing my silky hair across my shoulders, and smiling at myself in the mirrors... This stupid-ass boy is an idiot. Who would ever want to give me up?? LOL.

Birthday dinner was SOOOO fun. Vodka Tonics were flowing and dinner at Papdeaux is ALWAYS amazing. Tasted even better once I figured out the birthday girl's mom was treating the entire dinner party. Yum! My spec from my sorority was at the dinner too (she happened to be the bday girl's biological older sister). I admire her so much. She's a Harvard Law grad, so I immediately brought up Yale SOM and we began talking strategy. We of course wandered into the topics of relationships (she's newly married) and had a very candid conversation about my current lovelife (or lack thereof). Of all of the advice she offered, the biggest points that stuck with me were these: I'm not the only one who deals with confused, trifling, misguided young men; There has to be a point when I assess whether or not someone DESERVES my friendship - which has nothing to do with self-esteem, or feeling haughty - and act accordingly; I cannot give someone 100% of myself if they're not willing to do the same for me. Amen. She told me that she given six years of her life to a young man who turned out to be absolutely no good for her - to the point that he's no longer allowed to even call her. She assured me that the boy will reach out to me again when his new relationship inevitably fails, and I will need to make an earnest assessment of what value he adds to my life. Yes, I know what I contribute to his... but what does he contribute to mine? If the list is short, is he worth keeping around? Honestly. Finally, she told me that, once she was able to make a clean break from six-year dude, God put her future husband in her life. They dated for six months, got engaged, and were married this past February. "When you least expect it... that's when it comes." Church!