Love, Dionne

[Sent at 3:05 am, May 21, 2009]

Michele,

So let me tell you how life can sneak up on you. So I got home and my classmate asked me how my workout was. I was like it was cool. I have been telling her to sign up for a YMCA membership . She mentioned "Mr. Man" because he said it was a nice gym as well. I was like I saw him at the gym today. She was like you know he bought a house right. And that really like stung because a year ago we were looking at houses and apartments. And like it was annoying to think about it. And my feelings were totally hurt. I just had to grab my ipod and take a long hot shower. It hurt. It really did, and I was feeling so cocky earlier. But what a difference a year makes. We aren’t even speaking and last year we were looking for houses together. Sheez, kinda tugs at my heart strings. So I had to take my own advice and just pray. I feel better. But I say all of this to say. It doesn’t just disappear. When you really invest in a relationship… when you compromise or put another person’s feelings above your own because you care…. When you forgive the unforgivable because you want to believe the unforgivable was the exception and not the norm.. when you let yourself love someone…. There will always be feelings.

DO I look back and see mistakes with Mr. Man.. yes. Feel like I should have left sooner… definitely… Do I have regrets.. NO. I feel like I learned from [previous men I've dated] and everyone else. And I don’t look at it as being a doormat. I feel like I am on a journey to become a wife, mother, and Christian example… Mr. Man was not always the man I wanted him to be. He did things that disappointed me and hurt me. For some of my friends, they may think I let him walk all over me to a certain degree. But I feel like I wasn’t going to change the woman I was trying to become because he wasn’t the man I deserved. In the past I have been very selfish in relationships and always ready to call it quits. With Mr. Man I worked, I really did. I most certainly wasn’t perfect but I tried. And I needed to go through that to learn how to be a better woman for the man I deserve (whenever he comes).

And my classmate said to me: “Dionne, I think Mr. Man is a good man and I know you are a good woman. And I know you don’t believe me right now but sometimes it is all a matter of timing. And you don’t want him now but if God wants you to be with him then you will be.” I don’t say this to say you will end up with "the boy" or I will end up with Mr. Man. She just wanted to me to understand timing is so important and God has divine timing.

And finally, Your friends will always be here for. You just let me know what you need and I will do it. I know the other bridesmaids feel the same way. This is rough. Lean on your friends. We are waiting to be there for you, because you have been there for us. Don’t ever feel like you can’t share because we all LOVE you. Well, have a good day sweetie.

Love,
Dionne