Notes to God, II

Dear God,

Thank you so much. Thank you for allowing me to find the positive – the single aesthetic – in every situation I have encountered over the past few months. Thank you for a trying summer and for providing shoulders to lean on. Thank you for opening my eyes to the hard realities of life and the world. Thank you for blessing me in the midst of it; for picking me up when I felt completely beaten and defeated. Thank you for providing listening ears and non-judgmental hearts. Thanks for letting me know that I’m not alone.

I’m taking my final in Microeconomics today, and Lord you know I am not prepared. I have yet to even finish reading a few of the chapters on a final exam that is only hours away. But I thank you for reminding me that this is not the end of the world. I am not in high school depending on a college scholarship. I am not in college trying to hold on to a scholarship. I am a post-baccalaureate student who, per the recommendation of her dream school’s recruiter, decided to show initiative and enroll in a business course. I am a young woman who faced a number of changes and challenges over the course of the summer, and thus could not focus wholeheartedly on the content of the class. I am an adult who sought to learn something about economics as opposed to fulfilling a college prerequisite. And, being the perfectionist that I am, I would have loved to have earned an “A”. But, I was tested multiple times this summer outside of the classroom. So, if I do poorly on the class final, I’ll be okay with that. Because You, Lord, allowed me to pass my personal summer test...

Perhaps that’s the reason I’m unable to focus enough to study. I feel as though I have already crossed the finish line. I feel like I have overcome the last hurdle… at least for a little while. Work has finally simmered down. I’m making peace with the loss of my friend. I’m building a harmonious and rock-steady relationship with my mother. I’m re-evaluating what I want to do with my life, and coming to some fascinating and exciting conclusions. I’m unlocking so much potential. Thank you, God, for shining down your wisdom through the storm that had enveloped me for so long.

I cannot wait to begin the rest of my life! Today is a new day. And, though it is physically raining outside, I feel brighter internally. I met with someone yesterday who really brought new perspective to everything that has been troubling me. Her name is Linda. She listened to me go on and on about my problems… never judging, never impatient. She brought me to realizations that I may not have reached otherwise. God, thank you for placing her in my life, and giving me the courage to fully open up so that I may resolve whatever else is plaguing me.

I came in the morning and finally organized my cube. It’s now full of pictures, knick-knacks, plants and new Ikea furniture. It feels warm and bright. It feels like home. It no longer feels like a stressful place for day-dwelling… but more like a comfortable spot where I happen to work. What a difference perspective makes. Thank you.

Thank you also for dear friends like Anisa and Cece who have allowed me to figure things out by talking, not talking, crying, listening, laughing and the like. And, if they ever grew tired of hearing me vent, thank you for having them listen to me anyway. Good friends are like rocks. They will carry some burdens with you, even when they don’t have to. They’re immobile when it comes to their friends, always staying down for the cause. They’re easy to lean on, and yet never too heavy to pick up. Thank you for blessing me with the RIGHT people in my life.

God, please give me the tenacity and drive to study for this final. I know I have “work” to do, but you have already removed two meetings from my afternoon schedule, proving that I could really learn this material (cramming it in, no doubt) if I really wanted to. ::sighs:: Fine. Fine. Fine. I’ll duck out into an empty cube with this dense textbook and attempt to learn the last few chapters of the text.

You have blessed me so, so much. I couldn’t tell it all, even if I tried. Thank you.


Amen.