Thunderstorm Season

I think I’m slipping into a mild depression.

It’s also very cloudy outside. It’s perfect thunderstorm weather. I’m pretty sure Fay has something to do with it. You know Fay? She’s that schizophrenic tropical storm/hurricane/tsunami/apocalypse thing CNN keeps reporting about. She can’t seem to make up her mind (which is really interesting when you stop to think about it; she’s just a typical woman). Whatever the cause, I’m looking forward to a rainy, thundery, dark day. I think it will court my pseudo-depressive state nicely. And, about the depression – it’s not confirmed. I’m in talks with my inner self to determine what the ultimate problem is. I’ve been in an incredible funk for two weeks now. At first, I attributed it to PMS. I’m self-aware enough to recognize and appreciate the effect a surplus of estrogen can have on a girl’s daily life. But, this is something else. Usually my super-emotional state lasts for about three days. But, I’m still super-emotional and Aunt Flow has come and gone. Is this TMI? If you’ve been reading long enough, you should know that this blog is the most therapeutic release I have (aside from the thousands of playlists on my iPod), thus I kinda just have to put things out there sometimes…

Anywho. Nothing is going my way. This job search is a nightmare. It is a pure and total nightmare. Everyone is “pleased to meet me” and “amazed by my resume” but “sorry because they don’t have anything available at the moment.” Then there’s all the emotions. Where did they come from and when are they leaving? I’m kind of lonely. There are two perfectly nice men who have reached out to me in the past to weeks to hang out. I’ve been more than aloof with both of them. Why? I don’t know. I need to stop trippin’ and start dating some nice guys. It’s clear the object of my affection is completely oblivious, or unconcerned, or just plain unwilling to have anything to do with me. Ugh. My roommate situation is dire. We’re barely on speaking terms. A curt “hi” or “bye” is the totality of any exchange. And her BFF, who practically lives with us (grrr!) is not helping. Did she sign the lease too? I don’t recall seeing her signature. And shit, if she wants to move in, let her. More rent money I can keep in my pocket…

I got drunk last weekend with a bunch of college friends and, when leaving the club, assumed my football-statuesque friend could carry all 120 lbs of me. Welp. I was wrong. As I hopped on his back, he playfully (maybe purposely) lunged forward allowing me to completely fall – face first – into the pavement ahead of us. Face first. Now, I have a beautiful scar on my face. And arm. And elbows. And hands. Nice.

We were both drunk, so I can excuse the incident in itself. His reaction, however, was less than cherubic. He laughed and ran away while I was in pain on the ground. In the car ride home he never said a word to me. The next day, there was no call or text to verify that I was okay. When he came over to pick up our mutual friend (Dionne (one of the bridesmaids)) I politely closed my bedroom door to ignore him. I was growing increasingly self-conscious about my face, and didn’t care to interact with scar’s creator.

On top of that, I’ve been doing stupid things to compensate for my weird disposition – like charging Dolce and Gabbana pumps. Granted, I bought them at my favorite consignment boutique, and paid probably one quarter of their store value… but why am I using my “travel credit card” for non-travel expenses?! Stupid. Regardless, I put them on this morning to wear for the first time and I must admit: I feel fabulous.

Whatever.

So, with the job thing (or lack thereof), the loneliness thing, the roommate thing, the drunken facelift-gone-wrong, and the usual “I’m Dead Broke” situation are creating a mildly depressing, but powerful cocktail. Speaking of which… (!!)

I’m just kidding. Alcohol doesn’t fix problems. Apparently, it just creates new ones.

I’m going to pray about it… So much I’ll need some knee pads…










(It happened for a reason one can’t be mad
So know this know that everything’s cool
And yes I will be present on the first day of school
And graduation)





Aaaahhhhh how I digress!!! LOL