Just Not That Into You

::Sighs::

I have an inauguration update - but something is heavy on my heart, and I just need to get it off my chest before I can fully celebrate the weekend that was "Inauguration 2009".

He's just not that into me. It's kind of funny, because that line has been circulating since SATC became a hit. It's a line that females the world over fight, debate, and analyze... and remains true no matter what way you look at it.

I arrived in DC with three "potentials" in the city. One was a homeboy from Bull City, who happened to live in DC for now. I was not (and never have been) pressed about this young man... and his psychic abilities cease to amaze me because, literally, within hours of arriving in DC, he was already texting me. It's like he could smell me from across the District. His carnal sixth sense had kicked in, and he was already on the prowl. I never have been interested in pressed dudes. I was already annoyed.

Another young man, who is a legitimate friend of mine, was here from NY for the weekend. It's always fun to see him because, aside from casual, inappropriate jokes about previous trysts, he's actually a really cool guy. As soon as I saw him (alongside all of my best guy friends from college) I was reminded of how handsome he was. And as soon as everyone started "going in" on each other, I was reminded of why you don't play with "friends" of friends - your business will never be your own again. Multiple comments/compliments about my ass were made. I'll leave it at that.

The third young man - the boy - however, was no where to be found. His phone was broken, so he could only reach me by using a friend's phone. Okay. I saw him once, in passing, at a pre-game/get together, and I haven't heard from him since. Wait. That's not true. He texted me on Monday night, just hours before inauguration and my departure, to tell me his phone was working again. How convenient.

What really upsets me is that this seems to be a fundamental difference between men and women - or maybe it's just a difference between him and me. I told him, prior to this entire trip, that I was interested in seeing him. Aside from New Years Eve, and my occasional visit to his hometown, we rarely - if ever - see one another. And, granted, this would be a hectic weekend, but I'd still like to squeeze in some time. The fact that his phone was malfunctioning, in my opinion, is more of an excuse than a reason. Because, had I been in his shoes, I still would have made seeing one another a priority. I was disappointed.

I'm concluding that he's "just not that into me." It doesn't matter how often we talk on the phone. It doesn't matter how often we see each other. HE is completely fulfilled by the status of our relationship as it stands at this very present moment. It is I, and only I, who wistfully prays and hopes that our friendship will someday evolve into something more. He cannot help that... but I can. And so, I need to handle this, internally, and move forward.

I don't even think that the "not seeing each other" thing was intentional. He was probably just busy partying with his friends, and grinding on girls at late-night house parties that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. My disappointment, however, has manifested itself into some serious, deep thought. He's chillin'. He's been chillin' for awhile now, and it's not his fault because he has told me as much on more than one occasion. He has told me as much for three years, to be exact. Why can't I get that through my thick skull?

Because he calls me every night. Because he sends me Christmas cards. Because when he does something to upset me, he instantly apologizes, and repeatedly checks in to verify that I'm no longer pissed. Because we've been going back and forth for years now - and he still keeps up with me. Because he won't tell me he loves me... but he'll show me that he does. Because.

What's funny is that, he ignored/avoided/neglected to see me this weekend the same way I did Dude #1. I was not interested! And, though I may have returned his stalker-esque texts, and played cordial in communicating with him, I had absolutely NO intention of seeing him... at ALL. And thus, the same was done to me. LOL. I have to laugh, or else I'll cry.

I'm enacting another one of my New Years Resolutions before the week's end. I'm about to start dating - for real this time.

Expect a blog about it... soon.