Life Without a Lovelife

About six months ago when I first started this here little blog, I mentioned having “all the answers”. Well, lately, I seem to have more questions than answers… but I still feel as though I can help my homegirls out.

I have these two friends. Cece lives here, with me, and we work for the same company. She’s in grad school, getting her MBA, with little (if any) real time to spare. Denise lives in NY, works too much, but is one of the most loveable people I’ve ever met. They are both sincerely interested in dating, and finding the right guy… however their demanding schedules simply don’t permit enough time to do so.

Now, I wouldn’t dare suggest online dating (not hating, just saying…) but I would suggest adopting a new mindset. Why is it that young black females can succeed in everything but love? It’s because we forcibly apply ourselves to our careers and degrees, and allow everything else to fall as it may. We maintain our friendships and family ties as best we can, knowing that the true essence of these relationships is founded upon our like-minded approach to succeeding in life. It’s okay if we don’t hear from each other for stretches of time. Staying on our grind can sometimes lead to alienation. We’re all hustling for the next big thing, be it a promotion, an “A” in a class, a huge presentation, or the last final before graduation. We’re all putting in work and paying dues. The inherent problem in “Career Success = Life Success” rationale, however, is that finding a life partner and sustaining a happy marriage is truly one of the most important successes any of us will ever achieve. With that said, we need to treat or love lives as such. We cannot expect to wake up one morning to the man of our dreams without putting in the work right now. We need to be more proactive about it.

So, in the same way we researched jobs, went on interviews, worked, got promoted and slowly fell in love with our work, we must search for love. We must place this “goal” near the top of our life to-do list. I’m not saying treat dates like interviews and treat marriage like a job… but I am saying to observe the parallels and appreciate the process. Make dating a priority. Make yourself available. Say “yes” in some instances when you might otherwise be inclined to say “no”. Give guys a chance. And, “forcibly apply yourself” to your love life with the same vigor you use in climbing the career ladder. Be aggressive, but not too aggressive. Act with urgency, but not haste. Find the fine line, and walk it.

We can’t expect miracles to happen overnight, but we can plan for the future, and build time into our days, weeks, months and upcoming years a plan that will land us the “love of our life”.

I plan to be more diligent about finding him this year. And even if 2009 isn’t my year for finding the One I’ll at least have found a few young men who are not.