The Cost of Control

Making the decision to become a homeowner is a big one. Some people choose to live with their parents until marriage, when they are thereafter forced to move out. Some people rent their homes, but never really experience the triumphs (and tribulations) of living on their own. But many of us reach an age where we make the choice to move away from the protection of our parents, buy a home, and deal with the consequences (be they positive or negative) of being a homemaker. Some make this decision at an early age. Others wait until the time is “just right”. Regardless, the choice is a big one.

I chose to buy my own place awhile ago, and I’ve never really appreciated the effort that goes into running a household until now. I used to think that homemakers had it so easy. I mean, all they had to do was keep the place in order, monitor household visitors and guests, and budget for household expenses. But, I could not have been more wrong. Keeping a house in order is more elaborate (and costly) than I could have ever imagined…

First, there’s the issue of orderliness. As a self-diagnosed control freak, I understand the necessity of order. For example, the front lawn should always be well-manicured. That’s not to say you have to hire someone to trim the hedges every week, but come on. Nobody likes weeds tumbling into the driveway or onto the street. Additionally, everything has its place. When you have company, it’s not their place to rearrange your furniture and leave your home a hot mess. You run your home, and anyone who disrespects your household rules can kindly kick rocks. Once you’ve managed to make that differentiation, and properly invited guests have made their way to your place, know that they should leave your home exactly the way they found it. There shouldn’t be any holes in the walls or scratches on the cabinetry when they leave unless YOU put them there. Never should you walk around your home wondering “how did that get there…?” Not a good look. Make sure these guests take with them everything they came with too. I mean, unless you’ve planned a housewarming, your guests shouldn’t be leaving any little presents behind... No one wants to contract new painters, handymen, plumbers and the like for damage to your precious home. It’s costly, time-consuming, and downright annoying. Where do these guests get off ruining your house anyway? And the kitchen! Until you have a recipe and all proper utensils, there’s really no need to bake anything, now is there?

I digress.

Then, there are the recurring visitors who just pop up whenever they damn well please. Yeah, she makes an appointment with you, but how often does she really stick to it? Not only is she intrusive and annoying – but she’s the kind of guest that you HAVE to entertain for your own good. The alternative of her not showing up at all is truly terrifying, so most of us just welcome the cruel old bat for her weeklong stay and keep it moving.

Accounting for this visitor is an expense that I believe God should have created an account for. Every homemaker should have a separate bank account for “household visitors” that is granted to her at birth. Seriously. Not only do you have to buy your visitor blankets and pillows, but if you go above and beyond, you have to spend even more cash on making sure she keeps her regularly-scheduled appointments. You have to buy her an expensive-ass, leather, hand stitched, embroidered, top-of-the-line day-planner so she remembers when it’s her turn. Give me a break.

Then there’s the stress of picking a roommate. Someone you can share your home with. It can be such an emotional, stressful process that you sometimes wonder if you really even need one. But, of course you do. Living life alone is no way to live. So, you conduct countless interviews, review resumes, and sift through endless applications for the perfect person. Never mind the fact that each of these applicants has interviewed with multiple homemakers in your neighborhood; YOU need a roommate. Some applicants may be interested in your home and your home only. They’re probably corny, though. Some applicants may have interviewed with every homemaker in the country. They’re probably the kind that leaves unwanted presents in your yard – so stay away from them. Then, there are some applicants who have done their share of interviews, but are really interested in just finding a good match. They like your house the way it is… and will only make beneficial changes to the landscaping and infrastructure, if any at all. Their contributions to your home will allow the property to appreciate in value. As your home ages, the weathered roof and sun-beaten paint will still look good. It will mean your house is really a home. Your #1 applicant probably won’t be perfect. You may have to make compromises. You may have to ignore the fact that other homemakers on your street secretly hate your guts for securing him. You might have to negotiate your rates. And you’ll definitely have to adapt to the new roommate’s lifestyle. But, you endure the tedious, tiresome, fulfilling and sometimes exhilarating process to get to that person. You have no other choice.

The application process ain’t cheap, though. The energy invested in conducting countless interviews knows no dollar amount. And balancing that process, along with houseguests, and overall house maintenance is practically a full-time job. Controlling the emotional, financial and practical elements of running a home is indeed a laborious chore. But, knowing that the choices we make now are for the betterment of our future far outweighs the minor daily (or monthly) annoyances…

So, let me get back to my homemaker duties for the day. This leather-bound day-planner goes back on the bookshelf until tomorrow. And, this short stack of roommate applications could stand to be organized, I guess. There’s this one applicant who’s been on more than a few interviews in the neighborhood. His background isn’t squeaky clean, and he makes no apologies for it. I’ve been staring at his resume for a few years now. Can’t seem to put it down…